Living the Impossible Dream

Carl Stewart (1952-2013)

His continued pursuit of excellence in the face of the impossible dream is what I knew most of Carl.

{Originally posted on www.CompanioningTheSacredJourney.com
Blog 5/18/2013}

A year and a half ago at the Lake County Symphony's rehearsal performance for Christmas, 2011, Carl Stewart, who had recently been diagnosed with cancer, gave a performance that sent chills up my spine. Uncontrollable tears poured down my cheeks as I knew of his recent diagnosis. I had to leave my seat and compose myself in the foyer.

Carl's voice was one of the strongest and powerful voices I have ever heard. On that day at the symphony, he had come back from the edge of death, which is what led to the diagnosis. He put his whole body into Oh Holy Night  and it was an incredulous performance, to say the least. While it was a rehearsal performance, he held nothing back. Instead, the sweat and shaking that comes from a welling up and explosion of energy from deep in the soul--that place that carries the body beyond its normal performance level--was where this song emerged from.

From what i could tell every time I saw Carl after that, this was where he lived his life. I don't know if Carl could hold back in anything, though I really didn't know him that well. What I did know is what I saw over the next year and a half as Carl battled strong and hard with cancer. The ebb and flow of his energy and health was a telling story of his determined will to spend the greatest length and most valuable time with his beloved family.

As i sat in the audience of this year's Mother's Day symphony rehearsal performance, just days after Carl succumbed to the cancer, I listened teary-eyed to the conductor, John Parkinson, as he shared with us that Carl was rehearsing for this show and was to sing "The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha. As the instrumental version followed, played by the orchestra, I reflected on how many people I have known that have died from cancer or were facing it presently. From my grandmother and father, to friends and acquaintances along the way, it's quite numerous. In fact, I hadn't known anyone that had "survived" cancer, really. They maybe had only come to a temporary reprieve.

As is my want, I play with the micro- and macro-cosmic levels of patterns. My mind wandered to the plight of the planet against some of humanity's incessant greedy consumption--that same consumption that is likened to a cancer to the planet. For those of us that are aware of this bigger picture of the planet being a living organism that has certain "cells" that have gone haywire and consume unabashedly and uncontrollably, we have begun a fight against this cancer and its impact on the planet. But, I wonder if we, too, are fighting an impossible dream?

In any case, I can use my friend Carl Stewart as a good example. It may have been an impossible dream to overcome the cancer that riddled his body, but who was he in response to that situation? A fighter, with dignity. A pursuer of excellence with great talent and diligence.

The tears that flowed on that day in Soper Reese Theatre during Carl's performance were in part for a stunning and powerful rendition that touched me to the bone. They were also knowing what lay ahead for Carl, inevitably, as does lay ahead for us all. But mostly, they were for how he was choosing to respond to it--with grace, robustness, and a sturdy and powerful presence. It is a model for me.

The question is, who are we in response to the knowledge that there is a cancer on the planet and it is us? Yes, inevitably, we will all die, including the planet--whether at our hand or through natural processes. In either case, who do we choose to be in response to that knowledge?

One colleague is doing his damnedest to alert the public that the planet is doomed and we need to get off--whilst struggling personally with MS. Me, I'm busy working on creating a healthier local food system and community and helping people into their heart, emotions and a more mindful way of living. A lot of my friends are working on personal empowerment and awakening to the divine self. There is a lot of compassion in each of these responses to what presents itself at this time.

Whatever is on your path to overcome--be it a personal or global situation--the only impossible dream is to overcome the laws of existence. The possible dreams are those that we have power over--our responses. May you find the strength and vigor to face these obstacles with the grace, certainty and dignity that my friend Carl Stewart did. He was a beautiful site to behold and continues to inspire many.

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~JoAnn Saccato, MA, is a mindfulness teacher, life coach, author and consultant. Mindfulness is a popular health and wellness practice based on purposefully paying kind, non-judgmental attention to direct experience. It is a scientifically proven approach that helps reduce stress and stress-related illnesses, increase focus and attention, decrease incidences of and relapses with depression, reduce anxiety, reduce relapses in addiction, and aids in sleep and digestive disorders. It has also been shown to increase well being, life satisfaction and happiness, as well as improved social relationships. You can reach her at [email protected]