Stress Fosters Connection and Health

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In the last blog post, we learned that being mindful about how we think about stress affects how stress impacts us. This is a powerful piece of knowledge that has life-changing implications for good in our lives. How we think about stress in fact changes our biology--and how we think about anything is in our hands.

But there is something more intriguing that Kelly McGonigal discovered during her research and presented in this TED Talk ...

"Your stress response has a built in mechanism for stress resilience. That mechanism is human connection." ~ Kelly McGonigal

When we are stressed, oxytocin, a neuro-hormone, is released from the pituitary gland and part of what it does is activate our social instincts. It causes us to want to reach out to others and seek support. Have you ever noticed when you've had a really stressful incident--someone cuts you off in traffic, you're in an accident, your boss or loved one said something disturbing--you reach out to share it with your spouse or friend almost immediately?

I remember immediately following an auto accident my niece called me, hyper from adrenaline. She wasn't hurt, but I could tell she just needed to share it and not feel alone. I do this, too, and when I do, there is a sense of almost instantaneous relief. It reminds me of the old idiom, trouble shared is trouble halved. I find it interesting that our biology creates these reactions.

We are social beings by nature and research reveals that stress plays a part in driving this social behavior.  It's almost as if our stress response actually wants us to be surrounded by people who care about us, according to McGonigal, and from an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. Those who reached out for consolation and support were more likely to survive with the help of their community than those who stayed off on their own. We survive and thrive more successfully together than apart.

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"Trouble shared is trouble halved." ~Dorothy L. Sayers

Image from www.theartofrelating.com

When we adopt a "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" mentality, we are going against our powerful biological resilience system and potentially shortening our lives. 

If you aren't amazed by the human body yet, this one might push you into awe...

Oxytocin is an anti-inflammatory that protects our cardiovascular system. So our bodies, while busy in fight, flight or freeze response to a perceived threat, release substances that protect and heal us from that stress. That's astonishing!

Oxytocin is also released when we touch or are touched by someone. So, the oxytocin levels drive us to seek connection, and when we physically connect, more is released, which may drive us to seek more, and so on.

We are wired for connection! We have a pleasure response built into our brain AND it has positive health benefits. In awe yet?

In one study McGonigal notes, while those that had major stressful life events experienced a 30% increase in the risk of dying, those that spent time caring for others showed NO stress-related increase in dying. None. "Caring created resilience," McGonigal sums up. So, not only does reaching out for support create more health and resilience, helping support others seems to as well.

In the work I did in the aftermath of the Valley Fire of 2015, I witnessed a community come together in ways I never thought possible. There was almost a euphoria of community and family connection that lasted for about a month after the event, when trauma and stress levels were high. I watched a community enlist those resilient behaviors through connection and warm interactions. I also witnessed the decline of those who were more isolated in their reactions, seeing them in pain, some turning to substances and alcohol for respite.

The number one thing, we were taught in training to help with resilience from disaster was social connection. When we adopt a "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" mentality, we are going against our powerful biological resilience system and potentially shortening our lives.
 

So, therefore, since our thoughts can so affect our health and well being, consciously working with this knowledge is critical in co-creating our happiness. "As we think, so we are." If knowing that connecting with someone during stressful times will benefit our resilience and well being, wouldn't you be more inclined to do so?