JoAnn Saccato

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5/13/2020

The Wisdom of a Mountain

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Cobb Mountain, California. August 6, 2019. View from Boggs State Forest.
I planned a hike up Cobb Mountain, which happens to be the mountain I live on and tallest mountain in the Mayacamas Mountain range in Northern California. I chose a Friday during the shelter in place period of the Covid-19 pandemic even though I was warned by my partner, Jim, that it would be hot. He recommended waiting a day or two, but my intuition was strong. It said ‘no, Friday.’

Thursday of that week came and it was an unusually difficult day. I took on the weekly shopping for us, as Jim is in a high risk category for the virus. I went to five stores and each excursion entailed wearing a mask, using alcohol soaked wipes as gloves to touch anything in the store, being hyper aware of social distancing—which is next to impossible when isles are less than six feet wide, and then spraying everything with alcohol once at the car.
Add to that, working with the inherent judgments that arise for those not wearing masks and those not even attempting to honor social distancing, taking time to implore store management to require masks for all patrons, and taking time to catch up on news. By the time I returned home, I was exhausted, stressed and discouraged. The virus was now acting in differing ways, there was the growing conflict with those that wanted to open up the economy and those that felt it was too risky, and the ongoing saga of mishandled leadership  as the administration continued to stumble along.

All this was a perfect storm for feeling hopeless, sad and depressed. And I did. I got home and cried in the shower--the shower that now needed to follow a trip into town just to be sure every chance of the virus' survival is washed away.

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9/22/2019

Treasures from the John Muir Trail (Pt. 1)

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View of Tenaya Canyon from the Half Dome Trail, Yosemite, California. September 14, 2019.
{I recently completed an eleven month project, the Lake Family Resource Center's California HOPE project,  leading a team working with fire survivors of the Mendocino Complex fire in Northern California. As part of my closure for this project, as well as my growing interest in solo backpacking, I hiked a small, iconic, portion of the John Muir Trail. This series is a reflection and a taste of insights I received from that journey.}

In 2018 my planned John Muir Trail hike in Yosemite National Park was hijacked by smoke from the Fergusen Fire. I took an alternate trek in the park to Vogelsang (read more about that adventure here), but within three days, Yosemite Valley was shut down and I found my way back to base camp.

As I drove home to Lake County, the Mendocino Complex Fire, now known as California's largest wildfire in recorded history, had just broken out. I was hearing reports via phone never imagining what the next year would hold for me as I drove from one set of smokey mountains to another. By October, I was invited to lead the FEMA funded project.

____________________

This year in Lake County a few small fires have broken out throughout the summer. Residents here, triggered again and again as each golden-green patch burns, have been living with catastrophic fire since the summer of 2015 when three devastating fires, including the Valley Fire, consumed nearly a third of the county.

It was in July, the beginning of fire season in Lake County and about a month away from completion of the project, that my self care and wellness started slipping. The project itself had a strong self-care component for the team--a team that would meet directly with survivors, help them navigate resources, common reactions to disasters, and learn to set priorities and take small steps toward their recovery.

But, between this project and completing a year long mindfulness teacher training (along with all the usual busyness of life!) I started to slip. I was staying up late watching movies or shopping online. I was eating bigger portions and lots of sugar--things I usually resort to when I'm tired and need to push through what's on my plate, rather than glide with joy through the day's adventure. I was distancing in my intimate relationship, but most importantly, though, I was losing touch with the sacredness of the moment.

By a  few weeks before the end of the project, fatigue took over and I had to rest. I intended to be hiking 3+ miles with full weight (35 pounds) at least two times per week by this time. But instead, I had to set it all aside, only doing the very minimum to get through the day.


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9/23/2017

My Home Still Stands: A Case for Compassion (Pt. 7)

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Ornate ceramic and stone pieces surround a koi pond in a Valley Fire devastated neighborhood
How does the human mind make sense of the seeming chaos?
I instinctively knew not to get too close to the crippled buck--concerned eyes shone through his protective furrowed brow. If we got too close, feeling  threatened, he would flee--possibly injuring himself further.

As Nathan captured images of a large ashened concrete and brick fish pond, I tended to a half ajar gate leading down to a small earthen pond. Surely the buck would need water and ensuring an easy path seemed the most important thing I could do to increase his likelihood of survival.

The burnt-orange and speckled black koi swam slowly around the rectangular pond--they had survived. We cleared debris off partially submerged fencing used to keep koi predators at bay. Broken chunks of large ceramic and concrete figurines lay strewn about the brick lip of the pond. Obviously a once precisely designed and carefully tended garden space, it now looked quite aged, as if from some ancient civilization. I imagined the owners a well-travel elder gay couple who who returned many times from the Orient, bringing home rare, one-of-a-kind and garishly ornate treasures.

Enroute to our friend's home, undertaking a wellness check as canine companions were left at home on what began as a typical summer Saturday in Lake County, I couldn't help but notice for the first time the haphazard randomness of the fire--homes demolished down to brick, concrete or dirt  surrounded by blackened tree sticks juxtaposed with unscathed homes, tucked and hemmed in with still-thriving green conifers, solemn oaks and thirsty bushes.

How does the human mind make sense of all the seeming randomness--the chaos? Lives in a moments notice forever changed--a small community thrust and scattered into oblivion, never landing in the same configuration again; never to feel the tediousness of day to day life together again; never to experience the security of stable community with each other again.



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10/12/2016

My Home Still Stands: A Case for Compassion (Pt. 5)

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Photographer Nathan DeHart capturing images of the Valley Fire, September 14, 2015.
The next morning I found myself riding alongside my client, friend and photographer, Nathan DeHart. He was on assignment which afforded him access to the cordoned off area. I was hoping to get to my home--to see if it still stood--as well as retrieve the necessities. As soon as we embarked, though, I knew that the opportunity existed to share information--immediately with friends and neighbors living in the area, as well as in the long term, whether through blogs, articles, talks or what, I didn't know.

The ride up Bottle Rock Road, which was close to the ignition point of the tremendous blaze, but the least affected traffic arteries into the area, showed signs of immediate destruction--power poles downed, wires strewn about the roads; helicopters flying overhead dangling their load of water, swaying gently across the hazed sky; patches of scorched earth interspersed with surviving foliage. The choking haze reminded me of  sci-fi movies. Particularly those scenes of landscapes devoid of life due to lethal gases. Were those same lethal gases now choking our lungs, choking our eyes?



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3/1/2016

Personal and community resilience using mindfulness and compassion (Part II)

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(In light of the Clayton fire, I am reposting this blog for those in our community that are newly traumatized by this event, as well as for the Valley fire survivors who maybe retraumatized by the event. I hope it is helpful.)

As we use a curious and kind attention to discover and accept our responses to difficult events, we consciously can let go of the self-judgement thoughts--"I didn't lose near as much as many others." "It's been six months since the fire, I shouldn't be feeling this way." "It's not okay to ask for help." In letting these thoughts go, our mind becomes more at ease and can focus more on supporting our perfectly natural process--including navigating the myriad steps forward into our new lives.

Here are some tips that may support our resiliency and process:
  • Take frequent breaks throughout the day. A 5-minute mindful break can do a lot to shake off any stress that may be accumulating in the body and mind and serve to help us refocus our attention on the important things. A mindfulness break can be anything from sitting quietly with eyes closed; placing hands on our heart and torso and tuning into the natural breath; taking a mindful walk outdoors; literally "shaking it off" with impromptu movement or dance; yoga; and/or stretching--basically anything that brings our attention into our body and the present moment experience.
  • Eat regularly and healthily. When our bodies go into stress response, our digestion and immune responses tend to shut down (it's evolutionarily wired into our biology). We may not feel as hungry as we would normally, so taking regular breaks to eat mindfully can not only guarantee we get our needed nutrition, it may help us come more fully into the present, relieving the mind of ruminating, anxious thoughts. Mindfulness can help, particularly if we find ourselves (like I did!) eating more than my body was hungry for. It's not uncommon for us to use food to comfort ourselves, and since those of us susceptible to substance overuse may notice an increase, bringing a mindful eye to our consumption can be a compassionate and helpful response, as overuse of substances can hinder our recovery in the long run.
  • Strengthen and rely on our social networks. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is be surrounded by loving and supportive people. Particularly people we feel safe around Everyone from our intimate partners, family, and close friends to our social organizations, support groups and community action groups can be a great help at this time. It may even be helpful to reach out to support groups that are specific for our trauma. In the case of the #ValleyFire, the California H.O.P.E. team offers crisis counseling groups in the fire-affected region on a weekly basis. We might be amazed to discover a whole new community experiencing similar reactions. It's important to share our heart, fears and concerns with those we feel safe with and know can meet us and hold us with a kind attention and acceptance.
  • Do the things we love. We may be overwhelmed with activities that are necessary for recovery--insurance claims, rebuilding tasks, tax returns and the like--but it is important on the road to our new life to include those things that give us the most pleasure. Joining loved ones or friends at the movies, hiking or biking in inspiring areas, visiting our favorite gallery or museum or dining at our favorite restaurant--all of these can be helpful to nurture our way through.
It's a perfect time to embrace living our lives from intentions rather than expectations.

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