Personal and community resilience using mindfulness and compassion (Part II)

(In light of the Clayton fire, I am reposting this blog for those in our community that are newly traumatized by this event, as well as for the Valley fire survivors who maybe retraumatized by the event. I hope it is helpful.)

As we use a curious and kind attention to discover and accept our responses to difficult events, we consciously can let go of the self-judgement thoughts--"I didn't lose near as much as many others." "It's been six months since the fire, I shouldn't be feeling this way." "It's not okay to ask for help." In letting these thoughts go, our mind becomes more at ease and can focus more on supporting our perfectly natural process--including navigating the myriad steps forward into our new lives.

Here are some tips that may support our resiliency and process:

• Take frequent breaks throughout the day. A 5-minute mindful break can do a lot to shake off any stress that may be accumulating in the body and mind and serve to help us refocus our attention on the important things. A mindfulness break can be anything from sitting quietly with eyes closed; placing hands on our heart and torso and tuning into the natural breath; taking a mindful walk outdoors; literally "shaking it off" with impromptu movement or dance; yoga; and/or stretching--basically anything that brings our attention into our body and the present moment experience.
• Eat regularly and healthily. When our bodies go into stress response, our digestion and immune responses tend to shut down (it's evolutionarily wired into our biology). We may not feel as hungry as we would normally, so taking regular breaks to eat mindfully can not only guarantee we get our needed nutrition, it may help us come more fully into the present, relieving the mind of ruminating, anxious thoughts. Mindfulness can help, particularly if we find ourselves (like I did!) eating more than my body was hungry for. It's not uncommon for us to use food to comfort ourselves, and since those of us susceptible to substance overuse may notice an increase, bringing a mindful eye to our consumption can be a compassionate and helpful response, as overuse of substances can hinder our recovery in the long run.
• Strengthen and rely on our social networks. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is be surrounded by loving and supportive people. Particularly people we feel safe around Everyone from our intimate partners, family, and close friends to our social organizations, support groups and community action groups can be a great help at this time. It may even be helpful to reach out to support groups that are specific for our trauma. In the case of the #ValleyFire, the California H.O.P.E. team offers crisis counseling groups in the fire-affected region on a weekly basis. We might be amazed to discover a whole new community experiencing similar reactions. It's important to share our heart, fears and concerns with those we feel safe with and know can meet us and hold us with a kind attention and acceptance.
• Do the things we love. We may be overwhelmed with activities that are necessary for recovery--insurance claims, rebuilding tasks, tax returns and the like--but it is important on the road to our new life to include those things that give us the most pleasure. Joining loved ones or friends at the movies, hiking or biking in inspiring areas, visiting our favorite gallery or museum or dining at our favorite restaurant--all of these can be helpful to nurture our way through.

It's a perfect time to embrace living our lives from intentions rather than expectations.

• Simple breathing techniques. Mindfulness helps us get curious about our experience as it is and we can add a little compassion practice through some simple breathing techniques to help relieve stress. (Breathe in to the count of five while thinking, "I breath in peace and calm," and breath out to the count of five thinking, "I release the tension.")
  
• Ultimate self-care. We have all made it through difficult situations in the past. What are the things that have helped us through? How did we relieve stress during those times? Getting a massage or a manicure/pedicure? Taking long walks in nature? Enjoying a hot bath or shower? Talking with a supportive friend? Writing in a journal? Spiritual practices? Yoga? Meditation? We still have those resources available. Incorporating them into our life can be very supportive and compassionate.
  
• Create room for your emotional response to the disaster. Resilience doesn't mean we won't experience difficulty, and, while we can't necessarily turn on or turn off our emotions, regularly creating opportunities for our experience and reflection allows it to flow more easily. This can be as simple as setting aside a regular time to reflect and write in a journal about how you are feeling in general or with an event or response that may have arisen. It may also be helpful to reflect back on our writing over time to help us witness our own resiliency.
• Give extra time to complete projects and take small steps toward goals. It may be a while before we are at full capacity again. Rather than forcing ourselves back into a full schedule prematurely, where we may feel overwhelmed and not able to do anything, we're more likely to bounce back sooner and better in the long run if we take the time we need for nurturing as we go. Making short lists of tasks that we can cross off as we go helps us be successful on a regular basis, reminding us that we can make it through.
• Practice forgiveness for ourselves and others. There is a formal mindful practice for forgiveness, but short of that, a lot of us may be operating without our full capacity for some time after a disruptive event. Understanding this may help us practice a little more kindness, acceptance and compassion toward ourselves, our loved ones and our community at large. The invitation is to believe that we are all doing our best, given our circumstances and to be as helpful, understanding and forgiving as we can--to others AND ourselves.

• It's a perfect time to embrace living life from intentions rather than expectations. A big part of the Compassion-based Mindfulness for Peace, Clarity and Freedom courses is not only learning mindfulness and compassion practices, but also the difference between living from intention versus expectation. As we've learned, we can set a course for action that gets disrupted--in a minute's notice. Our resiliency is based on our ability to realize that, make adjustments as needed, and continue on toward our goals or set new ones.  Read more about the concept of expectation vs. intentions in this blog post.
• Move forward on the things you can change and practice letting go on the things you can't. Much stress is created by trying to change things we can't. While stress isn't always bad, taking the time to discern what we can and cannot change is an act of resiliency and self-compassion. Reaching out to a friend or loved one that can help us may give us an extra set of eyes and ears to make this easier.

These are some tips that can be of benefit as we all move forward, but, above all, being kind and accepting to ourselves and our process can be the biggest help. We are most likely responding in a completely appropriate way to an extremely out of the ordinary experience. If you have doubts about this or are unable to attend to your daily living needs and care, reach out to friends, your clergy or a licensed mental health professional. Getting a short term lift up is the least you can do for yourself.

If you feel you are in crisis and need immediate assistance, reach out to a mental health crisis line (800-900-2075). We are all worth the extra support needed to recover fully from this or any disaster. Also, rest assured that where ever you are and whatever you're experiencing, you're not alone.

A final wish...may you meet yourself with kindness and hold your pain with tenderness.