Personal & Community Resiliency: How to Help Our Friends and Neighbors

As we reach year three of experiencing catastrophic fires in our community, our neighbors in Napa, Sonoma and Mendocino counties are entering year one. How can we--whether we are new to disaster or becoming well versed in them--support those we know, and even those we don't know so well, in our collective recovery?

Looking at the graphic below, we can see that over the first few years the impacted community will go through a series of emotional ups and downs on their way to a new normal.

There are a number of anticipated physical, emotional and mental reactions individuals experience as discussed in this blog post (Part I) and this blog post (Part II), but I wanted to spend some time focusing on the larger picture, because sections of our populations will be riding through what is mostly considered a necessary path to a stronger future.

Also, having information about our likely path can help us prevent what is known in the mindfulness circles as "the second arrow."  This is the pain and suffering that can arise through our reactions to already painful events. Understanding that what we're experiencing is a natural part of the process for most can help us not judge ourselves or our process so harshly.

Since trauma can show up in different ways, including irritability, isolation, substance overuse, and more, the reverberation of trauma  affects not only those surviving it, but all those they touch.

Since trauma can show up in different ways, including irritability, isolation, substance overuse, and more, the reverberation of trauma  affects not only those surviving it, but all those they touch. And in that way, we are all responding to the trauma together. Whether we experienced it directly, know someone who directly experienced it, interact with those affected through our work, play or other day-to-day activities, the ripples eventually affect our whole community.

Here's a few tips to help us all move forward:

• Keep social connections strong. The number one resiliency factor for survivors is social networks. It can be challenging during times of displacement as family and friends may scatter to safety and temporary shelters. Thanks to technology, we are better able to stay connected with our important friends. Reaching out ourselves and encouraging others to do the same can take us a long way in finding our feet on the ground again. If we can't connect with our usual community, reaching out to a temporary one will be helpful, too.
  
• Give space for emotions. Emotions are a non-negotiable part of being human. There is no right or wrong about emotions--they just are. Creating loving space for emotions to emerge is one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves and each other.
  
• Compassionate listening. Allowing other people to tell their story in a loving and receptive field of attention is probably the greatest gift we can give each other--no matter how many times we need to tell it. Feeling safe enough to let our reality be known can be difficult following a disaster--our sense of trust and control have been rocked. Cultivating a kind listening ear to receive stories without judgment by reassuring your loved ones that you can hold space with their process is as loving a gift as it gets.
  

Honoring our unique journey with as much love, compassion and kindness--not denying any phase--is the most loving thing we can do not only for ourselves, but for our community as a whole.

• Honoring our own needs. If you find you can't hold loving, nonjudgmental space with a loved one or a friend, let them know so tenderly. Recognize and honor your own needs just as tenderly. If they need someone immediately, refer them to another friend or offer them assistance to find someone. Crisis hotlines can be exceedingly helpful in these situations. Numbers can be easily found online.
• Be aware of ourselves and each other. Be on the alert for the personal symptoms of trauma and try not to take them personally. Allowing a little more spaciousness and patience with each other can be a wise response to tenuous and difficult situations--whether on the freeway, in line at the grocery store, or at the counter with city or county staff. We won't necessarily know the level of impact these events have on our community members, but we can be sure, we're all experiencing it to some degree.
• Give and take extra time. Give yourself and others extra time to complete tasks. We may not be operating at our normal energy and cognitive levels for a while--recognizing this now will lead to less judgment and irritation. When we notice it in ourselves and others, see it as an opportunity to practice compassion. We certainly wouldn't be choosing these experiences if we had the choice--and this is a reason for compassion--not everyone can control everything all the time. No one is exempt.
  
• Practice forgiveness. No one will most likely do this perfectly. Being quick to forgive both ourselves and others can become a loving and compassionate practice.
  
• Remember, this is temporary. As we slip over the hump from the honeymoon phase to the disillusionment phase, keep in mind that this is another temporary period when reality and the details of recovery set in--that we aren't just quickly going to get back to our everyday lives anytime soon. Knowing that this part of the journey will bumpy with possible setbacks, painful memories, difficult interactions, and more, may not make them any easier, but knowing this is an anticipated part of the journey that will eventually end may help. Keeping our self care, self respect and commitment to compassion and kindness intact and strong can be a protective factor as we find our way through to the final tip...
  
• There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Most of us, most of the time, will make it through this journey to a stronger self and stronger community.
  

Honoring our unique journey with as much love, compassion and kindness--not denying any phase--is the most caring thing we can do not only for ourselves, but for our community as a whole.

--JoAnn Saccato, MA, teaches mindfulness, the popular health and wellness practice based on purposeful attention to present moment experience. It is a scientifically proven approach that helps reduce stress and stress-related illnesses, increase focus and attention, decrease incidences of and relapses with depression, reduce anxiety, reduce relapses in addiction, and aid in sleep and digestive disorders. Mindfulness has also been shown to increase well being, life satisfaction, happiness, as well as improved social relationships. For more information, visit www.MindfulAndIntentionalLiving.com .