JoAnn Saccato

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10/15/2015

Where to Start: Reflections on the #ValleyFire

5 Comments

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Picture
A little Valley Fire Memorial I created at Spirit Rock Meditation Center while on retreat.
This emotionally rich time is filled with the gamut of possible feelings on this journey that is now the healing from the #ValleyFire. The fire is out, but each day is filled with learning of another friend or community member that has lost their home and/or pets. It's also filled with  boundless acts of generosity and kindness that continue to pour into the community. (I've started a Facebook page, Valley Fire Acts of Generosity, Kindness and Bravery to document the hundreds of thousands of acts already. Feel free to post or share what you've known or heard of.)

How do we mindfullly and compassionately navigate such times?




For now, I'm choosing to create a compassionate container to hold it all, moment by moment. Sometimes this means tears of gratitude for the animals and families (myself included) whose homes survived the fire and other times tears of sadness to see the struggle and hear the stories of friends and loved ones who have nothing left or who have lost a loved one. Seeing the apocalyptic scenery of the forests, knowing that thousands of animals were most likely consumed in the firestorm and these forests will most likely not be replenished in my lifetime, brings a deep sadness and sometime uncontrollable sobbing.

At first, I experienced survivor guilt--not only was most of my neighborhood spared, but I had even closed all my windows, so the damage to my still-standing home was mainly dust and a broken potted plant on the back deck as the winds, whether from the fire or the overhead aircraft, blew over an umbrella and sent it crashing.

It's hard to have compassion and sympathy for myself when I hear of friends that have lost everything to the fire, and now having to spend their mourning time listing the contents of their home for insurance purposes. Exhausted and drained from the trauma, some trying to work full time, having to pour through memories of things that will never be again seems unintentional torture. Maybe it's therapeutic and an important part of the mourning process and moving on for some, who knows, but for those I've heard from, it's not helping their recovery--yet they feel guilty if they aren't working at it night and day.

In order to receive a bit of peace, I came to a place of understanding with my own path and stopped comparing myself to others. I decided to accept my experience completely, whatever it was, whenever it was.

In order to receive a bit of peace, I came to a place of understanding with my own path and stopped comparing myself to others. I decided to accept my experience completely, whatever it was, whenever it was. This has freed me up to not only accept my experience, emotions and responses to events as they come, but it has relieved a self-imposed pressure and created room for a more kind and compassionate response to myself and to all those that are struggling--regardless of their situation and their story. I am able to be more present and compassionate with others, because I'm not busy comparing my experience to them.

This trauma is community wide, regardless of our losses.

So far, this has opened in me an attitude of acceptance when I'm not able to function normally (early on I referred to it as #ValleyFireBrain), as well, I'm able to volunteer bits of time and do small gestures of gratitude and kindness to those I notice giving their time and expertise seemingly tirelessly.

This is my path of healing right now and this is only one pixel in the bigger picture of the #ValleyFire healing.

I was talking with David Schneider the other day, a psychotherapist in Santa Rosa. Part of his work is consulting with agencies helping communities wend their way through the healing process of large traumatic losses such as this, sometimes working with groups of first responders. Part of what he does is create a safe container and guides people to share their stories together, which helps everyone understand the bigger picture of the event, as well as help re-weave the fabric that was blown apart by the incident. Hearing the experiences from all the differing perspectives creates a community picture of the tragedy that helps us move on, both individually and as a community. It sounds like a powerful healing process and maybe one we should pursue.

In the meantime, I invite you to bring your thread of experience and perspective with the Valley Fire to this blog...the re-weaved fabric of Lake County will no doubt look different, but my guess it will be stronger as a result.


And, whatsoever your story with the fire, may you, too, find an inner peace through self-acceptance, kindness and compassion for your unfolding experience of healing--however it may show up.

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5 Comments
LaDonna Hart
10/16/2015 12:02:01 pm

Bless you and thanks,...I needed that

Reply
JoAnn Saccato link
10/18/2015 09:53:45 pm

You're welcome, LaDonna...glad it was helpful.

Reply
Ed Christwitz
10/18/2015 08:53:46 pm

Thanks, JoAnn, I think that for empathic souls, some resonant PTSD combined with prayer may help the healing for everyone. Here is a poem I wrote to help myself with "Rocky Jerusalem Valley Fire Brain":

Words on War from Walt

As outer war transforms into inner war,
I see more people fighting more,
And I hope as I am sighing
That this may be a good sign,
That we are healing our marrow, our core.

On the other hand, it hurts to see parents die of cancer
And it burns when I feel children dying of chemo warfare,
And so much more suicide.

Is the only alternative to outer wars
These tragic self conflicts and losses?

For now I hear the exploding trees and tanks
Screaming YES, that is all we can do for now.
You can’t win the wars with each other.
You can’t win the wars within.
You can only win a few battles.

It’s no longer us against them.
Or you against you, or me versus me.
If I don’t want to burn myself, or you,
I now choose Me-you-us-them melting into We.

The Soul of the Forest we are needs more
More than passive patient prayerful growth
More than generous, warm beauty of bounty
More than the happy interplay of critters and
More than Leaves of Grass such as these words which wither.

She needs her freedom sometimes
To remind us to question who we are---
ESSENCES of Peace, Love and Wonder?

The Soul of the Fire we are needs us to run
down the highways of our hells screaming
As our clothes burn off, our skin burns off,
Our flesh and bones burn off, and our Marrow
Finally finds freedom in the crucible to heal.

To rediscover our naked embrace with all
To open again to the orgiastically fertile lovemaking with Love itself,
To scatter and re-seed, re-plant, re-emerge
As humble healed and healing Music and Dance.

We are more than the wars within and without,
Those wars about our puffed up pout with it all.

As martyrs praying as the flames sizzle up our stakes,
May we find a greater gratitude and shout:
Nevertheless, Not my will, but Thy will be done,
Into Thy Whole I commend my soul.

Reply
JoAnn Saccato link
10/18/2015 09:58:04 pm

Wow, Ed. This is very powerful and transformational, much like fire itself. Some of it speaks to the tears that have lurched forth uncontrollably for me. They feel like the forest and all the animals surging their pain, their anguish through my being....Thank you for sharing this....

Reply
Barbara Christwitz
11/3/2015 06:58:55 am

Wow, Edwin. Thanks so much for sharing your poetry and expression of feeling. Powerful indeed. It is Nov. 3rd and this is the first I've read what you wrote, and I live with you and have for 27 years. Barbara

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